i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
