Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
