Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
