Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
