i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
