Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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