dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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