Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
