I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
