I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize