God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
