i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize