Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
