I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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