This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
