they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
