I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
