We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
someone owes me an orgasm
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
