I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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