Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
