just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
