ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
