im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
