Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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