Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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