I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
