Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize