Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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