I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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