I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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