Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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