She is in my trunk
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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