hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
