Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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