I need to stop coming to work sober
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
