Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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