Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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