Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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