I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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