i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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