I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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