What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
