I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
