No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
