...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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