Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
