am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
