Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
