I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
