either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
