just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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