Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
