its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
