Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
