There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
