The maid of honor just puked.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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