Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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