One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
