3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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