Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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