I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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