Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize