shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
