So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
