we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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