I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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