I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
